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Completely unmarked, unremarkable blog entirely in Japanese, default skin, username darkmind. Minimal effort went into the creation of this thing.
IF YOU WANT TO: feel free to post comments to entries, since it's online. If you do, please put a username in the header and treat it like a normal blog comment.
IF YOU WANT TO: feel free to post comments to entries, since it's online. If you do, please put a username in the header and treat it like a normal blog comment.
Jan 16, 4 PM
if they do theyre stupid
i dont
this isnt working
i was gonna try an actual post but fuck this shit its stupid thers no reason to try
think about it its wasted effort and wasted time maybe this isnt even here at all
i hear stuff about that people leave sometimes
they wont remember me
maybe im not supposed to remember them
maybe i died before this month or maybe i died in the accident
maybe this is all in my mind how can i tell
we all have worlds
its hard to tell whats real or not sometimes is what i see what i see or what someone else sees was it ever there at all or will it ever be its hard to tell
thats happening less
i dont know if im losing my touch or if im too far away to feel it its like im better but maybe i lost something
theyre all worlds maybe this is just another one
we all wake up some day and nothing will matter
ill wake up someday and none of you exist
so whats the damn point why do we do this why does anyone pretend it matters who does what why does anything hurt at all
see no one should give a shit problem fucking solved i guess
i was reading some posts on this thing some of them are from years ago stuff that happened before they put me here
if im gone tomorrow maybe this wont be
or
sure why not
not like anyone will read it
Jan 20, 9 PM
i thought about caring for like half a second
but i really dont we covered that already
theyre all talking about it no one shuts up i cant hear myself think around here
getting tired of hearing everyone else think its all inane shit too nothing that matters hurts too much to single anything out
this buzz in the back of my skull
its too crowded here
the junkyard sucked but it was quieter
cant go anywhere now
at least theres cats
its just frustrating i wonder if i went missing who would notice
like two people maybe
but i never even heard of most of these guys and theyre all so concerned like the worlds gonna end if somethings not done
oh no its a damn disaster
worlds gona end anyway isnt it thats what wars do its not like this is news a handful of idiots isnt gonna make that big a difference
goin around calling us weapons like you can point us in a direction and make us do shit
maybe you can for the people who signed their lives away
see were all branded but the people who chose their brands gave up theyre probably weapon quality dont you think
heh probably they already gave up everything else why not their souls alongwith it
not me i dont sign shit
i aim myself i pick my targets
if im a weapon id be a fuckin ballistic missile no one gets a say what happens once i start
not even me
if i was a weapon id aim at america first take their asses out for good
on a global scale who would miss them
good thing im not one
just saying
Jan 22, 10:14 PM
great
Jan 25, 3:59 PM
these are only words
they dont really mean anything
if normal people were kidnapped would anybody care
if normal people went missing would anybody notice
maybe families and shit but im talking the other guys america decided to kidnap
its hilarious russia kidnaps people and its a damn tragedy
with glowing shit on their wrists thats how you know were special
another word for outcast
anyway
america kidnaps people and we are expected to shrug and roll over like good dogs
oh well what can we do
live in these few little cities they put us in thats where were allowed to live
tell us where to be make us damn habitats
monkeys in a zoo thats what we are lions when they want us to fight
so used to our cages
who sees the bars anymore?
Jan 25, 4:16 PM
must be really hurting for help if im the one asked
look i couldnt save myself i got no place doing this this isnt what i do
heroes dont exist anyway
its all wishful thinking
learned that the hard way
Jan 30, 9:10 AM
apparently i missed a day something about the porter i dunno why fall asleep in nonah walk back out of heropa
theres a ton of stuff i dont get
drives me nuts
still doesnt really feel like a real place
i talked to someone about that long time ago
if youre going to dream dream big
i dont get it though so heres whats been bugging me about it time is frozen when youre here right its like how you can live another life entirely when youre asleep soif you wake up get ported out whatever you should go back to living
was i back there or was i anywhere
i dont know
i dont really remember anything
no one asked me what happened i dont really feel like talking about it to them
my heads killing me
theyre all fine and shit everyones back and all
i did a lot but it feels like im not sure what i did
theres one reason i had to be there im not saying i shouldnt have gone that one reasons good enough but
whatever going back to sleep deal with this later
Feb 4, 2:00 PM
i dont really have anywhere to go
theres nothing to do and no reason to do it and i end up at that other place just out of habit
maybe illl finish what i started over there then itll be done
i still dont know what im doing here
dunno what im doing anywhere
today i think im here thats all i got
Feb 7, 7:38 PM
no ones told me to get out yet
they should
sometimes i wish i could go back to how stuff was before i was here i got it back then no one wanted me around and thats all i needed to know
i didnt want them around either now i dont know
they act like nothing happened like its all okay somehow but its not they remember what happened they have to i know what i did
it wasnt always what i meant to do but it was all me doing it
they dont talk about that
used to be i could say what i want now i cant say what i need to
if i wait long enough i wont have to anyway everyone fucking leaves why is it a surprise it shouldnt be
all that talk about friendship all that talk about caring about people all thats the lie we all want
they all have to know its a lie somewhere
no ones here for good
it cant be helped
where did i go for that day i was gone anyway
do they go there too sometimes when they vanish
they say we go back to our worlds at the same time like we never left but i
what if he was lying and im already dead
all that stuff that happened isnt real and all this stuff is just another hallucination and ill wake up back in that stupid hospital
id rather be dead than have to be there again
i think about that sometimes is this really english im seeing
which is worse? this all being in my head or that if i care about anyone theyll be gone in a month or two and only the people i hate stick around
better off alone
Feb 14, 11:30 AM
Feb 15, 8:30 PM
Feb 16 2:41 AM
like its eating my soul this feeling of something wrong it was worse this morning but it wont go away
everyone here feels it
i feel it
dont have to explain why
you know what i do gotta explain to you dipshits
the snow here is safe
safe to pick up safe to eat its just weird ice stuff
they dont tell you to avoid the rain and the rain here is always clear
they never said why back there never needed to
no safe days here and days everyone wears masks
edible fish that sort of thing exists here
food is real
you get internet
you get phones you get computers that dont use paper that you can own you get water that tastes okay theres so much green thats not just a couple parks theres birds and everything
if you take off nothing chases you not many hunters in the darkness
take a good look at all that america all this stuff you get
remember it as karma washes it away with light
its death or poison after that
nothing else
thats what war really means
you arrogant shitheaded bastards dragging me into your war so i can put up with this shit i hope you rot first so i can spit on your corpses
if you even leave any
dumb government bastards better feel every second as it rips you all apart
dont pretend like you dont know its coming thats the only place this will go
hell
you deserve it too dragging me into this
i should have run the second they declared war
Feb 20 4 PM
i dont care what they do to me it cant be worse than what they already did to me its all pain anyway in my head i know im not right up there fuckin tired of this bullshit who do i gotta kill to get out of here i cant take this anymore i want out russia can burn to the ground
whenever the Debrecen announcement happened
how american
go to hell
all of you go to hell
but dont you filthy pigs dare drag me along with you!!! im not american why do i have to be here i dont care about america why the hell isnt everyone trying to leave it
but i cant go either if
i cant go
look im being honest here this is the worst i cant go anywhere no ones going anywhere they wont let us run and theres nothing to fight anymore we just get to sit here and fucking wait around to
you ever have those moments where it feels like itd be easier to give up and stop trying
but you have to keep going or else you're gone forever
but youre not sure if you want to anymore
i dunno but
its got to be bad if im wondering if i was really better off back there
im never gonna know
but maybe youre dead is better than youre dead
if they go after america no when they go after america
you think we can come back if theres nothing left of us
if they drop something that can leave no trace
what would happen
guess the only good news is
if i die like that
im never gonna know
im so tired
Mar 24
i forgot about this thing
April 8, 6:35 pm
that girl got to it and screwed around with everything i dont know how she did it we never took a picture or anything
how the hell do you make someone blue
everythings weird weirder than usual i think something got into that guy but i dont know what
its
shit
gotta go
April 15, 3:28 PM
there werent that many before and none of them were drawn
or toys
i forget who it was but someone said they were selling shit like that
didnt believe it
no one asks if they could do this by the way they just did it and charge money
i dont care about shit with other people on it
but
shouldnt have to pay for stuff about me
also theres not enough of it what do i gotta do to get some recognition
dont dance enough on request probably well forget that im not gonna be here for their convenience
foods also named after us but its all in english so who cares its a cheap ploy anyway
doesnt make it any more edible i learned my lesson a long time ago about assuming you can eat random stuff around here gotta be wary just cause its got a cute name doesnt make it good
i didnt even used to go to these things dunno why i do now
i went to ths one cause last time there was a gojira
well
i didnt find another gojira
so thats annoying
but somoenes doing first fable drawings so that cracked me up
but you dont understand how weird ass fucked up this place is listen
everything is about us imports
youd think these idiots would have a life outside of tryign to pretend to be us but nope
met this one chick who got mad i said she wasnt me
something about deep connections and souls whatever the hell that bullshit means ill tell you what it means
not a damn thing
you wanna talk to me about souls you better have a damn clue cause i got half of one and it says yours is full of shit if you come up to me and say stuff like that
dont even think about it
i dunno if it's about damn time we got some acknowledgement or if all this is poking at the circus they built here from outside to try to make a quick profit at our expense
both probably were only here for their entertainment send us back when were boring
its nice how many people like to forget that
yeah yeah enjoy the show while it lasts it fuckin wont
April 15, 2:40 AM
this keychain
its weird
its got my
you know
older brother i guess
i gotta
say that now damn it still feels weird
dont tell him i called him that!!!
anyway its got him on it and it looks just like him
but its all cutesy
theres one of me too
but i shouldnt be made cute
thats another thing half the stuff of me is chibi why the hell is that im a badass you dont chibi me
if youre gonna draw me
make me look awesome
none of this cutesy bullshit you got it
im just saying
April 15, 3:01 AM
insufficient accuracy
if youre gonna draw me get it right
got it??
id still get it probably
April 28, 9:05 PM
used to be i could say i didnt lose even if i didnt win and sometimes id mean it
used to be i could say that at least no one was gonna come save me or fight my damn battles for me that was all me doing all of it
had a war that was just me vs whoever showed up and no one was gonna help me fight it and thats how i wanted it
i could make it on my own despite their best attempts to stop me
could say how it feels like im dying every day but i wake up and im still alive
sometimes im okay and sometimes i remember everything from the past damn year
spear almost buried in my face and i got attacked for defending myself like its my fault for wanting to live
and they all wonder why i left
but i got beat down and kicked around month after month while everyone else was happy and had everything they never wanted me to have
and they all hated me more for getting angry
used to be back then it made sense that i got shoved out on day one like all that was nothing and used to be i could understand what was going on even if i hated it
and now it doesnt make sense
i dunno
it all sucked
i dont really like talking about this but i have to say it somewhere
ive got a room now i guess and fish and people
i dont have to steal everything i eat anymore or fight for somewhere safe enough to sleep so its all way better but its also worse
everythings the reverse everyone else gets to fight my war but me
guy shoves his goddamn hand through my back and its like i dont get to reclaim myself from that incident
it feels like any chance i had to prove anything is gone forever
and i lost
someone else gets to take my self respect he stole for themselves instead not like i had much to lose but i used to have pride
i used to figure i could take anything on
whatever i couldnt handle i had to anyway
the pain the dreams everything i put up with was way worse anyway
thats what i thought
i cant say any of that stuff about me anymore
feels like i traded one misery for another misery
its killing me to not go out there
see that guy who killed me
he told me about happy endings
like an idiot i believed i had one
see i get it now
what he was saying
happy endings dont exist for someone like me
im just the thing in the way for someone else to get one
but if i go at least i can end something
seems like all im ever gonna get is the shitty consolation prize anyway but at least i could get that much
May 3, 5:18 AM (cw for gore imagery)
anyone out there reading this cmon listen you get to hear it too
you can melt a person down into spare parts
elements like carbon and oxygen
apparently its easy
get this the phrase this guy used was puree human
human soup
ive seen people ripped in half before
theres always bone and meat and stuff its gross but its not soup
but that really happens in another world
things use the human soup to make shit
worlds the wrong word
universe
i cant sleep keep thinking about blenders
a long time ago i saw some stuff that i cant get out of my head thought that was the worst but now im not sure
to hell with this shit thats messed up ive seen some shit but not that shit i didnt wanna know there was stuff out there worse than id seen already
shiiiiiit
im not gonna sleep
theres something else i dont like
never thought about elements much science like that didnt interest me anyway
ddnt thin k about humans being made of
it wasnt a lot of things either
just a handful
whats an element anyway i know what it is they said but what the hell???
i keep looking at my hand and not sure what im expecting anymore
damn it
June 3, 11:10 PM
lots a stuff happened
getting too hot to go out in all this stuff gonna have to pick
gonna make a volcano tomorrow
been busy you know
guess you dont know usually never have shit to do around here these days
better than thinking
theres too much
whats the point of having a pet tiger if i cant keep it inside
i have a tiger by the way
its awesome
June 15, 2:18 pm
keep writing 2020 for the date
i left my world in 2019
but this place thinks its 2016
2019 hasnt even happened yet i got here in 2015
i keep forgetting
why
July 20, 6:40 PM
of course people leave thats what they do
August 3, 10 PM
youre either gay or straight
why the hell do i have to talk about it
Oct 22, 1:30 AM
April 29, 8 PM
knew it
this place is too empty
anon;
[attached is a picture of the offending cactus, with a handwritten sign underneath. it says, 'i miss you too, tetsuo!']
NOT ANON
and i dont know
either im taking my cactus back from your cold dead hands
or maybe im calling it a loss and shoving it rhgouh your skull
starting with your eyes!!!
dont even think about running dont think about hiding i will find you and i iwll tear whatever city you wanna go hide under apart building by building
whatever it takes
to!!! end!!! you!!!!!
think you can hide dont even try i know who you are playing anonymous wont save you!!!!
hey tell me something
anyone gonna care when i shred you or are you just gonna be another sad pathetic corpse in the street
well find out i guess
count on it!
anon;
charley jr missesyou but he wants to stay with me and i have custody now
[attached is another picture--the cactus sitting behind a full plate of food, with the caption, 'mom takes care of me much better.'
she doesn't address the second point. she probably doesn't think that anyone will actually care if she dies.]
no subject
you cant stay dead but you can die but dont think that s a good thing
means i get to kill you as many times as i want
no subject
May 10, 12:17 PM
some asshole stole my cactus
its left in the house everyone else is gone but that is left so its mine now
like everything else here theres so much shit
but some asshole broke into my territory and took my shit
so much else i gotta deal with
and now this?
to hell with that i am getting that damn cactus back
i hate that thing but its mine
you know what screw the cactus it can die for all i care
im getting even just because
on principle
that cactus thief disrespected me and got in on my turf
this is my declaration of war
right here
are you listening cactus thief
i bet you are
go on try to run
it might buy you a little time
so what are you waiting for little cactus thief
you gonna comment to this too?
i wasnt kidding
i will find you
give me my cactus back or im shoving it straight into your face when i find you
or maybe ill do that anyway
depends on how im feeling